If you could imagine the dream NICU stay for a 25 weeker, Jane would be the prime example of that. Her progress was slow, yet steady. Most of the time she was making consistent steps toward home. However, her NICU stay wasn’t completely void of minor setbacks and scares. She encountered many of the common micro-preemie problems: PDA, low blood counts, bradycardic events, the need for prolonged respiratory support, retinopathy of prematurity, and feeding issues. When she was 2 days old she had a pulmonary hemorrhage; they were suctioning blood out of her breathing tube for at least a week. It felt traumatic for me at the time, but it didn’t seem to create any respiratory distress for her, and it resolved on it’s own.
At roughly 3 weeks old, Jane had her breathing tube removed and was put on non-invasive ventilation. She never had to be reintubated after that, but she had a couple close calls. Jane had been extubated for about 5 days when she began to repeatedly drop her heart rate and oxygen saturations. Because of her PDA (an opening between her heart and lungs) it was quite normal for her saturations to bounce back and forth. It wasn’t even uncommon for her, or preemies in general, to have heart events where they drop their heart rate. Did you know they actually give these tiny little babies caffeine for this common problem? Much like me today – solving my life’s problems with a good cup of coffee. Often preemies will drop their heart rate and then recover on their own without intervention. But the frequency at which Jane was dropping her heart rate was becoming concerning. Every few minutes she would set off the alarms with another slow heart rate event. The nurse was very attentive and checked and tried “all the things” to try to correct the problem. After doing all she could, she gently told me that Jane might need to be reintubated and then she called the Nurse Practitioner to come assess Jane. A few days prior to this, Jane was presenting symptoms suspicious for another common problem premature babies face: necrotizing enterocolitis or NEC. It is essentially a condition that creates inflammation in the intestines causing intestinal tissue to die. They had X-rays done and the radiologist didn’t feel comfortable ruling out NEC based on what was seen on the X-ray. The Neonatologist wasn’t convinced Jane for certain had NEC but decided to treat her with antibiotics as a precaution. The nurse practitioner came in to listen to Jane’s heart and lungs. She then called for the Dr. to come in and assess Jane and expressed that she may need to be reintubated. The Dr. then ordered X-rays to be done. They were once again feeling like maybe necrotizing enterocolitis was indeed the root cause of the problems she was presenting with now. NEC is a scary and difficult problem for preemies to overcome and it can have lasting effects on digestion.
As you know, I am a person who is easily worried. The room was quickly filling with more people bustling around to try to help Jane. It was an environment that had serious potential to trigger my inner worrywart. I was very aware of how little I could contribute to the situation so in an attempt to stay out of everyone’s way I stepped back to the corner of the room, watching it all take place. There was a scripture hung above Jane’s isolette that my brother and sister-in-law made for us. It read:
“But when Jesus heard it, he answered him,
saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole.” -Luke 8:50
In all the hustle and bustle, my eyes locked in on this scripture and I just kept repeating it in my head over and over. I honestly felt like for the first time in my life, my first reaction was not fear. I didn’t feel afraid. I just kept telling myself, “All you have to do right now is believe – it’s just that simple. Don’t be afraid, don’t be worried, don’t be anxious, only believe. You can do that.” And just like that, Jane’s heart rate stabilized, and her breathing settled.
As Jane’s room began to clear out, I reached into her isolette and held her hands. One hand wrapped around my index finger and the other around my pinky finger. In the time it took for the X-rays to be reviewed, Jane was already back to normal. They ruled out NEC and decided to just stay the course. She didn’t need to be reintubated. Thank you, Jesus! The following day, we had the same nurse and she told me that she thought for sure she would come in the next day to Jane being intubated. I don’t really care to ever know what it was that caused that eventful night for Jane. What I do know is that Jesus took care of it for her.
Looking back on that situation, I’m convinced it was Jesus instructing my heart not to worry, and not just my own thoughts. Those words arrested my fear, I believed, and Jane was made whole. She only made forward progress toward home from that day on and she’s been trying to lead the way ever since.
