October 19th, 2019 -25 Weeks-

The evening Cora’s water broke, Chris and I both assumed the babies would be on their way that night. Which was terrifying, because I was only 23 weeks along. In most cases, a woman will go into active labor 12-24 hours after their water breaks. And here I sat in the hospital, 10 days later, still pregnant. We made it to 25 weeks! I was praying each day that I would miraculously make it to 32 weeks, but also thanking God for each additonal day of pregnancy.

When we first went into the hospital, we were asked if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. When our answer was no, the resident asked if we would want to terminate “Baby A” (Cora) because her chance of survival would be low. We again, strongly stated that we wanted them to do everything they could to sustain this pregnancy, and if that couldn’t be achieved, that they do everything in their power to save our babies after their birth.

The following night, I began to have some pretty regular contractions, so they started magnesium – a miserable medication that can be used to stop preterm labor (if you know, you know!). The night was uncomfortable and I continued to feel contractions, but by morning I was feeling much better. Thank You, Jesus, we made it another day!

Because Cora’s leak in fluid was slow, she was able to maintain a decent amount of fluid for a couple of days. So much so, that they began to question again if her water actually broke. But as time went on, Cora had hardly any fluid left. Babies swallow and essentially “breathe” in their amniotic fluid, and that fluid is crucial for lung health and development. A resident came in to discuss this with us and once again propose that we let Baby A go, because her lungs would be much more underdeveloped than her twin, and that it may improve Baby B’s chance of survival. After her speech, the resident said she would give us some time to think that over. Chris interrupted her and told her we didn’t need time to think about it because we already knew we both wanted BOTH babies.

Just about every night I would start having contractions. They were uncomfortable, but tolerable, so I usually didn’t say anything to the nurse. Then usually between 3am-5am they would subside again. So each night, I would tell myself, if I can just get through the night, it will be better in the morning. Each morning brought fresh hope. Something that hurt more than the contractions, was being separated from Asher so abruptly. I hated how his life flipped upside down over night. Even though I knew he was in great care with grandparents, I hated not being able to spend the day together, and missed tucking him in at night. It was especially hard, because I had no idea how long we would be separated like this. The times he would come to visit me were the highlights of my day. He would climb up in my bed with me, we’d have snacks, watch movies, read books, and build legos together. I dreaded the evenings because that meant Asher and Chris would be leaving, and the contractions would likely be arriving. So I’d pray until morning, and sigh in relief when the sun came up.

Each day seemed to present new symptoms, that induced worry. And when I tried to layout every possible scenario and outcome my heart would quickly become anxious. I had to continually lay my anxious thoughts at His feet, and that’s when my heart could rest in His goodness. That’s where I found peace. I had to learn to take things one day at a time. Even though I didn’t know what the future held, here we were at 25 weeks, and that was significantly better than 23 weeks… and for that we were grateful!

 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness

Lamentations 3:22-23